Hustler’s Breakfast In Bed

JR Image

Everyone has been in the situation. It’s a weekend morning. You wake up a little bit earlier than necessary, and very quietly slip out of bed. Without waking anyone else, you steal downstairs, avoiding that one creaky step, into the kitchen. This is your moment.

Whether the person upstairs is a new beau, or a long-time love in need of a romantic gesture, or even (because not all our motivations have to be about sex) a guest you would like to impress, nothing says “You got lucky when you landed here” like a selection of freshly baked croissants and pain au chocolate with just brewed coffee being delivered as breakfast in bed.

Just one tiny snag you think, the reason the object of my affections is not getting a full fry for breakfast is because the last time I tried to do that on my own the neighbours called the fire brigade when they saw the smoke billowing from the kitchen window. I can barely boil an egg let alone produce edible croissants. I can brew the coffee but that’s it, I’ll have to sneak to Tesco’s for the rest.

Well before you venture outside wearing whatever you woke up in, and making the person upstairs think you have abandoned ship, I have the magic solution; JusRol’s Bake-it-fresh.
In Tesco’s this product generally lives somewhere around the baking aisle. It shouldn’t. Bakers don’t need it; they have their own special powers of seduction. It should live beside the ‘I love you’ flowers, the ‘I was thinking of you’ chocolates, or the ‘You lookin’ so fine’ bottles of wine. Brandished effectively it is as much a weapon on the field of war, that is love, as push-up bras and stilettos.

Also unlike flowers and chocolates, which if you stockpile you look like some sort of player or dejected stalker, this item can live an innocuous life in your press for several months, behind the sugar and the pasta, hinting to nobody your ulterior motives, until bam, your moment to strike.

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The preparation
JusRol tubes are incredibly easy to use, so easy in fact the instructions don’t even have words, just little pictures. You bust open the pack, roll up the pastry and pop in the oven. While you do that, boil the kettle and make the coffee. Done. The whole process takes 20 minutes tops. Then just pop on a tray*, whisk upstairs and be ready for the waves of praise and admiration.
*If the object of your affections is likely to wake up with a hangover add two solphodine and a large glass of water to the tray or else all this will have been all for nothing.

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